I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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