dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Randomize
