so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
