You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Randomize
