On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
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