Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
handjob tips. give me some.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
