Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Randomize
