and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
Acid is not a monday night drug
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
