this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
Randomize
