He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
Randomize
