He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
this hospital has no fireball
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
Randomize
