Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
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