Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
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