I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Randomize
