I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
is this the sara with the beer cane?
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
Randomize
