Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
