once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Randomize
