so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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