I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
We are all done wearing pants today
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
You ruined the universe
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Randomize
