the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
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