At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
