Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
