There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
I can't trust your balls anymore.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
