I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
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