I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
Randomize
