Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
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