I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
