please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
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