Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Randomize
