I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
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