So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
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