He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
Randomize
