Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
