I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
Randomize
