What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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