My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
