i jhust puked up my retainher.
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
