Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
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