he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Randomize
