I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Randomize
