Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
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