I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
Randomize
