i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
