I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
