Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
