once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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