I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
