He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
Randomize
