Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Randomize
