my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
