I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
Randomize
