Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
