He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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