Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
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